Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

• The Onion
• Len Cariou
• Steven Seagal
• Larissa Laskin
• Ken Takemoto
• Don McManus
• Michael Bolton
• Ahmed Ahmed
• Brendan Fletcher